2017 Fall Anitta Machanickal Temple Japan

How (Un)Lucky I am That Saying Goodbye was So Hard

Saturday, I came back home. It’s been a strange experience being back home after being in Japan for so long. The jet lag meant I was up until six in the morning the first night I got back (my mom was not happy). I cried for a good hour in my room the next night because home felt strange rather than familiar because so much had changed in four months. Hearing all the English around me when I went into a store, I thought it was weird. Nothing felt familiar anymore and that confused me. I was expecting these feelings to a certain extent. Home becoming unfamiliar is a feeling I deal with every time I come back home from college, since I go to a school out of state. When I leave, I keep expecting everyone at home to stay the same but of course people change. However, the feelings are a bit different from what I am used to. I had gotten used to a whole new culture. To be pushed back into my old culture all of a sudden, of course I miss certain aspects of Japan and find myself doing things that are normal in Japan but not so much in America (e.g. bowing).

I have no answer on how to adjust. I do have some suggestions that helped me begin the process of recovery. Embrace the fact that you will take time to recover. It took me awhile to adjust to Japan. I guess people expect that since I know American culture, I don’t have to adjust to America. People are wrong. I’ve become used to Japanese culture. Meaning, I’ve become used to people not being overly loud, neat queues that people respect, and bowing. Now that I’m in America, I pretty much have to unlearn all that I’ve learned. Another hard part to accept is that everything I’ve learned has no more outlet. All these Japanese customs and habits I picked up, but I have to use for them anymore. Hopefully, I can find a new place to use these customs or work to return to Japan.

The one thing that really helped me get over my dissatisfaction of being home was sharing stories of being abroad. It’s not enough. I feel that no one at home understands. But it helps. They may not completely understand but they get to grasp a glimpse of my experience. I get the added benefit of reliving my study abroad moments. Refreshing my memory makes the experience seem more real than an elaborate dream that I made up. Talking about it reminds me and my family that I changed. By sharing stories, I hope that my family and me can catch each other up to the people we are now, rather than stuck knowing the people we were. I think it would be helpful to talk with your study abroad friends. They are all going through the same thing you are. If anyone gets it, it would be them.

Coming home has been tough but I know I’ll feel better eventually. My time in Japan forced me to grow up in leaps and bounds. I’ve changed but not into an unfamiliar person. Rather, I’ve turned into a person that I’ve always wanted to be. I just never knew I did. Coming to terms with this change will take time but once the people around me and I have, my time in Japan will always leave a tangible mark on me.

 

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