“I don’t fit in anywhere, so I fit in everywhere.” A comment that echoed from the crowd of the Living in the Diaspora panel held on February 15, 2024 at John Cabot University in Rome. This particular comment repeated itself in bold letters within my mind days after this panel as it offered an external and opposite interpretation of what it personally feels like to be in spaces I feel as if I don’t belong to.
Growing up with a last name that doesn’t stereotypically represent my features has confused many people inherently causing me to be confused with my identity. Furthermore, being American with roots in Poland, Ireland, Italy, and Puerto Rico, I belong to many different cultures. Throughout my childhood and early adulthood, I have mainly explored my Puerto Rican and Polish sides through traditional dances, foods, pieces of clothing/jewelry, etc. Currently studying abroad in Italy has further helped connect me to my Italian roots, but for my whole life, because of the mixture of cultures I was born into, I never really felt extremely connected to one identity. My identity has felt separated into categories that only belonged in certain spaces making me feel constantly disoriented. My upbringing has been surrounded by eyes examining the ways in which I look, act, and know highly specific facts about my origins, and when I fail to meet assumptions or lack experience/knowledge within particular sectors of each culture, that feeling of disconnectedness to my own identity becomes stronger and stronger.
Above, you see a piece from the Black History Month art gallery held at Temple University on February 6th, 2024. This wallpaper from afar looked like dots, but as I got closer, eyes looked straight through me. This was powerful in the sense that it felt personal looking at this wallpaper, and after some reflection, letting outside perceptions confuse my identity seems to be why this piece struck me so profoundly – “The eyes” I metaphorically and physically felt were right in front of me all at once. Feeling as if I don’t belong solely to one culture has equated to not belonging to any. This sector of my life has felt like an all or nothing battle, prohibiting me to feel closely aligned with the interconnected and separate parts of my ancestry. Circling back to the opening quote, this statement reintroduced that feeling, but shifted that heavy weight of disconnectedness to the realization of how beautiful it can be to belong to many places.
People will always be watching, judging, thinking, and have something to say: a firing opinion, a question, a statement, an argument. These influential outside voices were beyond difficult to navigate and cope with at a young age, but as I am growing up, I have become more accustomed to see how outside perceptions have influenced how I view myself. Both this panel and art gallery centered around Black History Month have opened me up to distinctive narratives for the sole purpose of learning about others and myself. These events have reminded me of the control I have over the time and energy I give to outside influences. I have control over how I choose to view myself and interact with my identity which allows me to feel like belonging nowhere means I can simply belong just about anywhere.
See where you fit in the world and learn more about studying abroad at Temple Rome.